Sometimes leaving out minor details makes for the best tales.

Three of us were in my garage talking on a recent Saturday. One of the guys’ cell phones began to ring. He answered and it was obviously his wife (or someone else he calls Honey) and she apparently had some chores for him to do. I knew this because it’s the same when my wife calls. If she asks, “What are you guys doing?” it is usually followed by instructions to pick up enough supplies at the local market to outfit an expedition into the Amazon. He quipped, “We’re just bench racing.” 

Personally, knowing the upcoming request to forage for provisions, I would have quickly come up with a more meaningful description of our activities. “Really, Sweetie, I’d love to get right on that but, you see, we’re right in the middle of solving the Riemann Hypothesis.” Unfortunately, the sorry sap followed up the bench racing comment by asking her to hold on while he got a pen and paper. Not everyone is as quick as I am.

TIME TO PART WAYS

As the male bonding time broke up and my buddies went back to their domestic chores, I pulled the cover off the big twin. I had ridden earlier that day, so I knew the tire pressures to be up to snuff, the oil at the correct level and the chain oiled. Rather than go inside and face my own honey-do list, I wheeled over my mechanic’s stool and prepared to wax and shine.

I thought back to the initial phone call: “We’re just bench racing.” I knew instantly what he meant. In fact, that phrase is common to many types of motorsport and, perhaps, other sport as well. There are definitions provided on the Internet; the web even has websites titled “Bench Racing.” But the term itself predates the Internet. I can remember using that same expression 30 years ago as an excuse to go and drink beer at the Round Table Pizza Parlor.

While I’m sure the web definitions are nearly as numerous as those provided by different purveyors of motorsports, they all seem to share the same basic elements. Bench racing usually starts out as a legitimate discussion of actual facts or events. The facts will only act as a catalyst because the discussion…